Reverb 11, December Twenty-Third

First of all, an update: I have an opportunity to act next week.  Last week, I had lunch with an old buddy from acting class.  He asked if I'd like to throw my name in the hat for this really interesting experience happening on New Year's Eve.  Since I haven't been to a typical NYE party in years, I figured - sounds like fun.  It also sounds, whether I actually get up on stage or not, like a good way to meet some new people.  Cross your fingers that I get on stage, but I'm proud of myself for the acts of saying "yes" when my buddy asked, and of not backing out when I got the follow-up email from the director a few minutes ago.  (And yeah, not doing something is an act when it requires a conscious exertion of will to achieve.)  So.  Good for me, for not waiting until 2012 to make some of the changes revealed as necessary by this month's musings.

What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

Sometimes I wonder if I do share my central narrative with the world, or if I reserve it for the people I know won't judge me too harshly.

When I ask myself what that narrative is, I always leap to the theme of triumph over - and failure to triumph over - adversity.  I start thinking of my main challenges, how they have shaped my life and personality, and the different ways I have confronted or attempted to escape them.  But there is so much more.  Let's try this:


I'm a kid (still true) who has significant challenges.  Most of the time, I face them, account for them, and overcome them.  For a significant period of my life, however, I attempted to escape those challenges by a number of means devised to prove my "normalcy," my similarity to my peers.  (Mainly, this involved frequent consumption of large doses of psychoactive substances.)  When this strategy failed, as it always must, I adapted and found new methods of confronting my challenges.


All along the journey, I have prized music.  I love to entertain others, but I also value the ability to sing well as a fundamental part of me - if I can't sing, I feel less myself.  I have been singing since before I could speak any coherent English (not an exaggeration). I prize laughter equally; my sense of humor, and my occasional ability to share it with others, is a key method of communication.  When things have been at their darkest, I reach for music and laughter to shed some light.


Dark or light, I seek to help people.  Every dream I've ever had for myself, as far back as age eight when I asked what a Hollywood Liberal was, included some way for me to help other people.


I'm not a grown-up yet; I know that.  I intend to hold on to childlike things, but I am still in the process of shedding childish things.


I am a student of people: their thoughts and feelings, their motivations and their workings.  I've studied people as individuals and as groups; although I've elected the former as a career path, both studies are equally fascinating to me.




Not much of a story, but then it's still being written.  When I look at it in this form, I realize that any time I interact with people, I share some piece of myself.  I may hold back specifics, especially when I'm meeting new people, but the essence of me is always there: I'm a caring person who loves to laugh and sing, and who has been through some things in life.  I used to think that last thing was an isolating factor; now I recognize it as the opposite, and often use those challenges to connect with others.