Happy New Year, my friends, and thanks for coming on this little journey with me. Without the invitation to participate in this twelfth-month soul-search, I doubt I would have had the courage to follow through on tonight's theatrical journey. Thanks also to the Sacred Fools Theater Company for being kind, welcoming, hilarious, talented, and high-octane in the best of possible ways, and my buddy Chris for bringing me to them.
I second-guessed myself many times before walking into the theater this morning. I'd just written about how long it's been since I performed for an audience - what was I thinking, letting my first venture back to the stage be this 24-hour madness? It'd be like swearing off singing for a decade (like I could do that) and doing a one-night stand with the L.A. Master Chorale.
Then I thought about all the other things I've written this month; in them I found the kernel of courage I needed to move ahead.
By the time we actually went up in front of the audience, I felt like I'd been reintroduced to a vital part of myself. How could I do this? How could I not? How could I have forgotten, how could I have abandoned this integral component of Dash for so long?
Truth: I hadn't forgotten. I abandoned that part of myself because I no longer felt worthy of it, no longer had faith in my own value. Worse, I couldn't bear to risk having that self-perception confirmed by others. Only with restored belief in my abilities could I take the risk. And boy did I reap the reward.
Sharing in the vivacity and creative lust of the Fools was like coming home again; earning the laughter and applause of the audience was like a big hearty hug from Mom.
This is the best start to a New Year I've ever had.
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