I certainly think this is sage advice to men everywhere: pay attention to the body language of the woman you're approaching and the setting in which you're approaching her, because she is more deeply concerned with her safety on any given day than you are with yours. However, I don't think it the responsibility of a moral male to intuit any female's boundaries. It is certainly a character asset, a positive attribute of a good person, that they go the extra mile to respect the boundaries of others. But it's not my job to intuit your boundaries; nor is it your job to intuit mine. Rather, if I wish to be a fully interactive social being, it's my responsibility to set and to state my boundaries firmly and respectfully; the decision whether or not to respect them then lies fully within your hands. And the same goes: if you state your boundaries, then it's my decision as a moral person and all-around good guy to respect those boundaries. Your stating them makes it all the easier.
Debate that as you will, but my larger problem with this blog is the racial encoding in the following statement:
We are going to be paying close attention to your appearance and behavior and matching those signs to our idea of a threat. This means that some men should never approach strange women in public. ...if you have tattoos of gang symbols or Technicolor cockroaches all over your face and neck, you are just never going to get a good response approaching a woman cold.
Let's establish this: the dynamic of American society that attaches the warning label "Threat to Your Physical Safety" to a guy with a bunch of tattoos is a corollary of the one that applies the same label to Black American Men. Agreed? I've only got anecdotal evidence of this theory, but we've all seen Birth of a Nation, right? The Black Man will steal your woman, drag her off to his cave and molest her. It's the Emmett Till Phenomenon.
So, to put it personally, I may "fit the description of" and therefore I need to be extra-mindful of my surroundings and the boundaries of any woman I might consider approaching? Yeah, I got a problem with that. Whether or not you feel threatened by my race, or my friend Danny's tattoos, or consider them risk factors, is totally your business. Go ahead and clutch your purse, cross the street, hurry on up to get away from me. Cover your daughter's eyes (yes I've seen it, and tried hard not to laugh). But don't expect me to apologize for being attracted to or interested in you - or maybe just being polite and conversational - while Black. And by "to apologize," I mean "to worry in any way that I may be presenting a physical threat despite my best intentions; to alter or adapt my behavior in any way as a direct or indirect result of said worry". But don't you worry: the most likely outcome once I've realized that you view me in such a manner is that I'll move on, mildly disgusted, certainly angry, but no longer interested in striking up a conversation.
Yeah, there's my problem with this blog. It begins making a very good point: men, be aware that women have to be concerned with their safety in ways that may seem above and beyond to you; respect women's boundaries; pay attention to social cues like body language and adapt your behavior accordingly. But the idea that I shouldn't approach you (or anyone else) because my appearance and/or behavior matches your idea of a threat? Ludicrous, and vaguely insulting. A perfectly valid reason for you not to approach me, and let's face it, neither of us wants you stepping over that particular boundary - in fact, I myself make it a habit not to engage in conversation anyone intent upon profiling me in any manner, no matter how attractive she may be; it messes with my serenity - but I base my decisions to approach or not on things that are concrete to me. If her body language is screaming "no touchy no talky," I'm not touching or talking. But if I mistakenly believe it's cool to approach, and I don't receive a clear "back off" signal (and by "clear," I mean "Hey, back off, okay?")...well, all I can do is base my behavior on my perceptions of reality and my best moral judgment.
If I'm Schrodinger's Rapist, then she's Schrodinger's Racist - and never the twain shall meet. Unless I'm not a rapist and she's not a racist, in which case, cool.
I'm glad we could talk this out. (Your thoughts?)
